Sometimes I write things on my to do list that I’ve already done, just so I can cross them off.
I just did that thing to the word “mostly” where now it doesn’t seem like a real word.
Hey, listen. You know those ducks in that lagoon... →
"waiter, there is too much pepper on my...
“When Harry Met Sally” is maybe my favorite movie ever.
addicted to bookahol.
I’ve been taking a lot of buses lately, as one does when one’s car has been totaled. On the walk from the drop-off to my apartment, I pass not one BUT TWO used book stores. The temptation is too great. I’ve bought something both nights this week. THIS for $6 and THIS for 50 cents. I need a bigger bookcase.
Holy heck, Pandora keeps playing stuff from Lily...
Last night at about 9 p.m., I heard a buzz at my door, and immediately thought, “WHAT THE HEY, NEIGHBORS. I AM WATCHING ‘BIG LOVE’ AT A REASONABLE VOLUME.” Turns out, it was just a friendly neighbor man informing me that I had left my keys in the door.
"ok. you're going to be my new 'lost' expert,"...
WHY NOT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?! Why the face.
LAMEST PANDEMIC EVERRRR, says the Washington Post. →
Nooo, silly rumor-mongers, no. Swine flu wasn't a... →
don't write brilliant and hilarious beginnings of...
Just, don’t do it, OK?
This. This is my absolute least favorite catchphrase used in our newsroom. It’s stupid, it’s senseless and it’s too close to those awful Dr. Scholl’s “You jellin’?” commercials.
SEMI-COLON: MORE THAN JUST A USEFUL TOOL IN... →
I am really, really bad at buses. How is anyone good at buses?! How do you know which side of the street to stand on?! And this sort of thing?!
Both scales at my gym are broken. Clearly.
there is something called Goldfish Mix-Ups in the...
I MUST find out what type of mix-up this is. Some sort of grave error? A hilarious misunderstanding? Do they turn into Doritos instead? WHAT?! I need to find a dollar.
I just sent a text message I was very nervous about sending and then promptly hid my phone away in my purse. Now curiosity is killing me but the threat of TOTAL HUMILIATION IS INFINITELY WORSE.
I’m not sure when or how it started, but occasionally my super cool friend and I IM each other, “UNHUNCH!” during the day, to remind each other to STOP SLOUCHING ALL THE TIME LIKE A GODDAMN TEENAGER. I told my mom this, and I think she thought it was cute — and apparently, she wants to play, too, because every once in a while I get an IM from her that says, “SIT UP...
I have been awake since 2. I think at 5 I’m just going to give it up and get up. Maybe make some delicious breakfasty item. Today is going to suck.
PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I’M INCONSOLABLE!– Tracy Jordan. Also I feel Cat said this in her pathetic meowing ways last night.
MY SOFA IS SCHEDULED FOR DELIVERY TOMORROW. Since Awful Roommate moved out in mid-NOVEMBER, I have led a couchless existence. TWO MONTHS without a couch. OH MY GOD THE EXCITEMENT. I can’t handle it.
last night, i dreamed "wicked" was being made into...
a) What a dorky dream. b) I really wish it were true.
Who drank all my vino?!
I will go to the animal shelter and buy you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in...– Sue Motherf—ing Sylvester.
Meet Mikey Hicks, 8: U.S. has him on watch list →
Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters? Listen to awesome...– Janice Ian
overheard in the newsroom.
“Should I put another bottle of wine out?”
Unnecessary. Occasionally. Alcohol. License. Prescription. All words I always misspell on the first try. Also, actually: misspell.
I get $16,000 for my car. $16,000. SIXTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! A little more than $8,000 will go to paying off the car, but the rest is MINE. Two years ago, I was an idiot, and bought a brand new car. I quickly learned that car payments suck. This time, I’m going with a sensible used car that I can get for under $8,000.
pants. who needs 'em?!?!
I would be a much happier person if I could at least occassionally work from home. Or if I could go to work in stretchy pants.
“They Can’t Take That Away From...
on knowing one's place.
My role on our trivia team is knowing the answers that everyone else would be embarrassed to know. I … don’t totally remember the question from tonight that made me think of this, but I do remember that it involved the Taylors Swift and Lautner.
I guess it makes sense that the “True...
“True Blood” is a sexy sexytimes sex show. With vampires!
do it. →
On Friday, I got into a pretty bad car crash. (This is the point in the story where I like to assert that IT WASN’T MY FAULT.) Today, I found out my car — my lovely, lovely car I’m so proud of; my first grown-up purchase — was totaled. Frown.