7 Things I Learned About Human Bites

Which Didn’t Really Fit Into The Thing I Wrote Yesterday For New York:

1. Human bites are the third most common type of bite to be treated in the ER, after dog and cat bites, respectively.

2. Human bites occur with regularity among children 2 to 4 years of age, adding credence to my Suarez-is-the-world’s-tallest-2-year-old theory.

3. Human bites are responsible for 1 in 600 emergency department visits.

4. Up to 50 percent of human bites are complicated by infection.

5. Human bites more closely resemble dog bites than cat bites.

6. Human bites tend to be more superficial than animal bites, however, the infection rate is high.

7. Human bites typically transfer a larger number of bacteria to the bite victim than dog or cat bites, primarily because the human mouth carries a higher population of resident bacteria.

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SOURCE: This thing on bite wound infections.

This is what frustrates me," Sophie Turner tells TVGuide.com. "People don’t like Sansa because she is feminine. It annoys me that people only like the feminine characters when they act like male characters. And they always go on about feminism. Like, you’re rooting for the people who look like boys, who act like boys, who fight like boys. Root for the girls who wear dresses and are intellectually very strong.

TEAM SANSA, GUYS.

(Don’t tell me what happens to her though)

(Am only on book 4)

DOWN WITH MARATHON SELFIES.

Because I am crazy, the first thing I did after seeing this thing last night – Woman Takes Selfies of Hot Men While Running Half-Marathon – was to enter her first and last name into the results page for the NYC Half to see her time. (That’s a lie. The FIRST thing I did was this

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)

So, weird thing out of the way first: I couldn’t find a “Kelly Roberts” in the results; I couldn’t even find a female Roberts around her age who lives in New York. But, being a crazy, I looked at her Instagram and found her bib number, which belongs to a 31-year-old named Kristen Norena – so, did she give a fake name and age to GMA? That is so weird and also it seems unnecessary? ANYWAY. She was a little more than one minute faster than me. So, fine; I don’t even know what I was looking for — that’s another lie; I was absolutely anticipating her being much slower than me and was looking forward to some righteous smugness, which I now feel a little robbed of.

But the reason that Yahoo/GMA story annoyed and distracted me last night is this: Sunday’s NYC Half is the first race I have been in that was absolutely SWIMMING IN SELFIES. I was constantly having to dodge runners who stopped dead, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COURSE, to take a picture with their goddamn cellphone; sometimes it was even pairs or groups of people! THERE WAS EVEN A FELLOW WHO TOOK A SELFIE IN THE LAST EIGHT HUNDRED METERS OF THE RACE.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhHHH!!!

Look, I realize that NYC is a cool place and that for some people, running this half meant a trip to NYC. I get that! I’ve run races all over the world, most recently in Ireland, where I absolutely did take photos throughout the race. But here’s the thing: I PULLED OFF TO THE SIDE TO DO SO. I didn’t stop dead in my tracks in the middle of the race for other runners to trip over me! Even if you don’t stop (and it looks like this girl didn’t, and neither did the dude I saw at the end of the race) you’re distracted — add the selfie distraction to the earbud distraction and you’re in your own little oblivious tech-y world. 

A story circled around last fall about the Hong Kong marathon, where a woman stopped to take a selfie just after the starting line and caused a “pile-up that resulted in battered and bruised participants,” according to a Time story from September. It looks like race officials considered banning cellphones at the race, but then considered that impractical, so they launched some sort of timid “awareness” campaign to encourage against taking selfies during the race. I can’t tell how that campaign went; there was another race in February but I haven’t seen anything written about it, and I can’t find anything about cellphones at all on the website.

But, OK. Whatever, take your selfies! Half marathons are a cool accomplishment; running one in a place like NYC is also cool, especially if you traveled a long way to get there, and I get that excitement and the impulse to share your achievement with your friends. But good god. Just, please don’t be a jerk about it, and consider the other people around you. (ALSO a fine lesson in regular life!)

I RAN THE NYC HALF AND ALL I GOT WAS THESE THIRTEEN HUNDRED WORDS ABOUT IT

I woke up a few times throughout the night on Sunday, after falling asleep at some ridiculous hour like 9 p.m. after running the NYC Half that morning. And each time I woke up, I did a sort of runners’ version of counting sheep: I decided to mentally review each mile, from 1 to 13, and try to remember something specific about every one of those miles. I never made it past mile 6 without falling back asleep. That is to say: Race recaps are so boring that even my OWN is apparently enough to put me to sleep. But I’ve been wishing lately that I kept better track of what worked, and what didn’t, in my races and training runs – so, here goes.

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how to resilience!

I had a Very Disappointing Thing happen today, dear Internet, and I’m trying to figure out the healthiest way to deal with it. Psychologists call a person’s ability to bounce back from something “resilience,” which is a word I’ve always liked; there’s something about the sound of it that makes me think that this is a word that will take whatever shitty thing you throw at it and toss it right back in your face. Anyway. I’m going to do what I usually do when I’m struggling with something, which is turn to the oracle that is Google to see what the heckfire to do about it. 

Also wine. I usually do wine when I’m struggling with something, too.

1. ANYONE CAN RESILIENCE! The good news is that “bouncing back” isn’t some kind of innate ability, something you’re either born with or you’re not. It’s something you can learn! 

2. YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAN HELP YOU RESILIENCE! Sorry, this is not the time to drink your sad bottle of wine all alone. This is the time to reach out! To human people, and cats don’t count! The American Psychological Association sez: “Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person’s resilience.”

3. GET SOME PERSPECTIVE! Tonight might be a good night to watch something intense, like, oh, “12 Years a Slave,” to remind yourself that your problems are minuscule! Comparatively speaking!

3. MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN! So Plan A didn’t work. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet, you silly! From the APA:

Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”

Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.

5. MAYBE YOGA YOUR WAY TO RESILIENCY! Resiliency is all about being adaptable, and what better way to remind yourself that it is important to be figuratively flexible than to make yourself physically flexible! Yeah, that’s it!

Source: Liberally adapted from www.apa.org.